The
following is my interpretation of my life over the last year.
Much has been left out, I have chosen to focus on something I knew little
about before April 2006.
Snap, Crackle, Pain.
I address this subject as I address my life,
with a strange sense of humor.
Enjoy.
On
April 21st 2006, after a long hard day at work.
I was playing in the park with my son,
when the structural integrity of my left Achilles tendon resigned without
notice.
The internal restructuring left me blinking with confusion until the pain
showed up on the scene with a clearer message.
I had broken.
Six
days later I met the structural engineer who would rebuild me, I mentioned
to him that my right knee may make a similar career choice.
Upon further investigation he confirmed my suspicions, and suggested a three
phase course of action.
The Plan was this; "first We repair the Achilles tendon on the left leg.
then in about a year when you can walk and feel strong, We will perform a
tibial osteotomy (open wedge) on the right leg
and few months after that is done We will repair the ACL damaged to the right
knee".
It all sounded so eloquent and decisive that I signed up immediately.
On
April 28 2006, Phase One was implemented. This procedure is described in detail here Repairing a completely severed Achilles Tendon (do it yourself) |
Forward to January 9th 2007, I can walk, I can dance, I can siiiiiiiing...
Phase One is complete, the Achilles tendon has healed wonderfully and I'm
working again.
I receive a call to meet with my structural engineer who is anxious to implement
Phase Two of The Plan,
the target ship date for phase two is January 31st 2007, zoinks!
Realizing how soon this was I decided to research the proposed redesign strategy
known as "Tibial Osteotomy".
|
On January 31st 2007, Phase Two was implemented. This procedure is described in detail here (xray images included) Open Wedge Tibial Osteotomy (do it yourself) |
In the months leading up to the Tibial Osteotomy, I often found myself singing
the following line of an
old song the grateful
dead used to play, "Been all around this world".
"Hang me, oh hang me. Oh, I'll be dead and gone.
I wouldn't mind your hanging boys, but your wait in jail is so long"
It seemed to sum up my feelings of having accepted responsibility for my decision,
and knowing that I will be made to live the fallout of my actions in the terms
I myself had stipulated.
Somehow, the waiting time between acceptance and execution were never a factor
in the decision.
In my mind, the priority sequence for concerns had pain, unemployment and
debt as the only defining parameters.
I accepted my fate thinking that the lighting would strike immediately, never
considering that the lightning had a life of it's own,
and possibly prior engagements.
It was ten months between when I accepted to have my leg broken and the date
it actually happened.
That is plenty of time to forget, remember and forget again about the madness
to which I subscribed.
You know you have arrived at a strange place, when the most logical thing
to do is to have your leg intentionally broken.
And you've arrived at a far stranger place, when you wish that this act of
controlled violence
could also somehow act as payment to absolve your financial debt.
If only the credit card companies would outsource their collections departments
to the mob,
I'm sure that a busted Achilles tendon and a broken Tibia would be worth ten
grand (canadian, at least).
It
hasn't been all pain and suffering, though.
It has been big year for personal growth (yeeesh).
The universe had messed with my plan and I had to adapt,
resistance was painfully futile.
I slowly learned that worrying about debt and feeling guilty for not being
able to work,
were not conducive to my recovery or well being whatsoever.
Being isolated from the outside world opened the door to doubt and fear.
Will I be accepted for long term disability? If not, then what?
Will my employer get fed up waiting and fire me?
If they fire me, what happens to my Insurance?
If I have no Insurance, neither do my girlfriend
or my son?
And so on.
I think it was only once I started physiotherapy in September,
that I finally realized that none of that mattered much.
All I had to do was to get well and walk properly.
Regardless of the consequences I had to accept that my body had its own schedule
for healing,
the wisest thing to do was follow its lead and help myself as best I could.
After all, I couldn't start working and paying off debt, if I couldn't walk.
I went back to work November 6 2006.
The folks at physiotherapy were very pleased with my recovery
and the folks at work were glad to have me back.
The bubble of fear and doubt that had been growing since April finally burst,
and everything was fine.
It made me realize how perspective was all that separated my long hard summer
from what may have been a pleasant (although sometimes painful) six months
at home with my family.
Now, I'm off work again and trying to make a better go this time round.
I've been reading like the railroad, full steam, straight and steady.
It feels good on the brain after being a warehouse muscle man,
you can only read so many boxes before you realise the story's going nowhere.
As
far as the enjoyable parts, there where many.
A mere three days after taking my first crutch less steps,
Helene and I went to Eclipse,
a three day trance festival.
I couldn't dance, but the music was everywhere and the vibe was positive.
Thousands of kind people with the common goal of having a great time
filled the open fields and lined the river bank.
I'll always have a soft spot for nomadic music lovers and their gatherings,
be they deadheads or ravers,
It's a beautiful scene.
We (Helene, Tommy and I) also spent
ten days camping at Papinachois,
one of our favorite places on the north
shore of the St-Laurent.
It was our fourth year camping there, but the first year we spent the whole
time on site.
Usually we spend a night at Papinachois,
then continue east to Natashquan.
We made many new friends and re-connected with others we met the years before,
most from Pessamit (one village
west).
We also met some Québécois film makers and three cool guys from
the US,
who saw the Manicouagan
reservoir on a map
and said to themselves "We must go there!" (all because Brian is
a map freak!)
True road trippers, on a mad dash to the wilds of Québec before heading
back to school.
Pessamit, Papinachois and the people who live there have become an integral
part our lives.
We camp in canvas tents with pine bough floors, set on an island held between
two arms of the river.
We swim and play in the rapids by day and are sung to sleep by them at night.
When we arrived this year I could barely walk and when we left I was barely
limping,
it is a powerfully inspiring place and I am honored to know it.
Eagles at dawn, bats at dusk.
A great place to be.
We also went camping at St-Edmond,
in a private forest with two lakes.
This is our close to home (90minutes N.E.) dose of wilderness that we frequent
with our friends (it's their land)
mostly on weekends, it is our default campground and primary source of sanity.
Living in Montréal is hard for us, we are nature people.
One year, for Tommy's birthday, we set up a D&D style scavenger hunt
(complete with Orcs, Ents and Wood Elves of course)
in the forest.
He had a map, a clue and his knowledge of the forest to start him off.
Each clue site had an activity or test before he could get the next clue (and
a prize/gift),
we tested his knowledge of direction, knot tying and archery amongst other
things.
(In case it wasn't clear Helene,
most of our friends and I are geeks)
For a family without a back yard, St-Edmond is a gift like no other.
This is the first winter in the last five that we haven't gone snowshoeing
there and I miss it.
It is also the site of my favorite fire pit,
where I go to comune with nature and perform a cleansing ritual.
I call it "The Great Burn"
and it consists of burning all my old Visa, MC and bank statements
as well as any other documents I don't feel safe recycling.
Trust me, a mechanical shredder is nothing compared to FIRE!
Over
all life is good.
I have the greatest girlfriend ever,
who else would tollerate my high frequency of unemployment
and convalescence, let alone my sense of humor.
I have an awesome son, who is cool beyond belief
and weird like me.
I've got five
loving cats who enjoy it when the human
is broken,
because they have a heated mattress that can pet them
and doesn't move around much.
la vie est belle
love,
respect and healing
Ted
